


His Touch, His Voice

by btamamura



Series: NatsuKira [2]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 22:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19473061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btamamura/pseuds/btamamura
Summary: Syo informs Kira that Natsuki's not doing so well lately. Upon seeing that himself, Kira uses the best way he can to help Natsuki let everything out so he can heal.A little coarse language courtesy of Syo.I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THIS STORY TO BE ON ANY SITE/APP OTHER THAN AO3.





	His Touch, His Voice

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Uta no Prince-sama or any canon characters. They are the property of their respective owners.
> 
> Notes: I'm going through a stressful time, so this is partly written to vent and comfort myself. I wanted to write another NatsuKira, so the story wound up this way.
> 
> There is a slash warning since Natsuki and Kira are romantically involved. There might be possible OOC. Syo swears a little.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this!

"Oh, Kira! Natsuki said you'd be coming by today! Come in!"

Kira accepted Syo's invitation to enter the dorm room. To his surprise, Natsuki was absent. "Natsuki-san?"

"He'd messaged me earlier saying he was running a bit late but to let you in if you arrived before he did. I'll let him know you're here and wait with you until he gets back," Syo replied, leading the taller man to the sofa and making a gesture inviting him to sit down. "Want some tea? I'm not as good at making it as Natsuki is, but it's palatable." He quickly took out his phone and sent a text message to Natsuki.

Kira shook his head. "No...thank you."

"No worries." Syo moved to the armchair nearby and sat down.

"Am I...keeping you...from your own...scheduled activities?"

"Nah, it's fine. I just planned on having a workout before meeting up with Otoya. Actually, I'm glad Natsuki's running a little late, I've been wanting to talk to you about him."

Kira observed as Syo's smile faded slightly at the same time his shoulders drooped. It seemed he was worried about something, and it concerned Natsuki.

"I dunno if you've noticed, but he sometimes hides himself behind that smile he wears. Yeah, most of the time, it's genuine. But, there are times he smiles for the sake of it despite feeling like he'd rather do anything else."

Kira's eyes widened a fraction, too miniscule to have been noticed by anybody not watching with intense observation.

"He's doing it again. But, when I try asking him, he just waves it off like it's no big deal. I've seen him do this too many times in the past, but back then he..."

"Kurusu-san?"

"See, we've known each other since we were kids. We spent a lot of time together back then, at least until we had to go our separate ways."

"What was...he like?"

Syo smiled fondly. "At first, he seemed like a cheerful and affectionate goofball, but it seemed some of that was a front to hide the shy, insecure child he really was. Not like I'm one to talk, though I hid mine behind a loud voice. If he performed poorly, he'd just try smiling like  _well, that could've gone better_ , but he always had a breaking point. It just depended on outside factors. Sometimes, he'd go off to be alone then return later sounding like he'd lifted the weight of the world off his shoulders, his eyes a bit red. Sometimes, he'd take me with him or I'd lead him away, we'd hug and he'd let it out."

His eyes dulled slightly in sadness for Natsuki. He'd never known that about him.

"Then, one day he had a new instructor, had stopped playing the violin and switched to viola, and then...Kira, don't tell Natsuki what I'm about to say, okay?"

He didn't understand why, but nodded regardless.

"Whenever he took off his glasses, he was someone else. He was a lot angrier, a bit violent if pushed too far and used a different name. Satsuki. I don't know what happened; Natsuki never told me, it was as if Satsuki had allowed him to repress it, but for him to have changed so much, I know he had to have undergone something seriously traumatic."

His golden eyes had dulled further. Natsuki had undergone trauma so severe he developed another personality?

"There were two sides to him by that point - the cheerful, bouncy Natsuki who rarely frowned unless things really troubled him, and the always angry Satsuki who wanted to avoid all connections to people because he wanted to protect Natsuki from further harm. I tried asking Satsuki what had happened, but he never told me either. Actually, he threatened me to get me to shut up, so I decided it would be best to stop pushing. The only times I saw Natsuki upset after Satsuki appeared was when I was in hospital, though there was one time he didn't cry. He was smiling and being his usual self. It pissed off Kaoru who demanded he leave."

"Kaoru?"

"My younger twin brother. He thought Natsuki was no longer able to understand the gravity of my being rushed to hospital, and he didn't have the patience to deal with that. But, I knew otherwise. If I had the strength, I would've told Kaoru to stop and let Natsuki stay. I knew that Natsuki wanted to cry, but he couldn't. It was as if Satsuki was the only one allowed to express any deep anguish he felt."

Kira bowed his head and closed his eyes, allowing his mind to process everything Syo had been telling him.

"Satsuki stopped coming out about the same time Natsuki and Nagi finished their duet project, but it's like old habits die hard. I can tell Natsuki's been feeling stressed out lately, he might break at this point. But, it looks like I'm no longer the one to help him."

His eyes flew open and he turned to Syo.

"We do still love each other as brothers and friends, and we do try to look out for each other. But, I think I am not able to help him in the same way anymore. Kira...I need you to help Natsuki. Let him remember it's okay to cry, help him get it out of his system, then help him heal. Please."

He nodded, knowing that Syo had no need to ask; he loved Natsuki and would do anything for him in a heartbeat.

"Thanks. I'll be staying with Otoya and Tokiya tonight, so unless you have to go home, you should try staying the night. It might take that long for you to help Natsuki."

He nodded again. He knew he'd have to at least let one of his unit-mates know he wouldn't be home that night. "I'll let...Eiichi know."

"Cool. Hm? Ah, sounds like Natsuki's back." He turned to the door and watched it open. "Welcome back, Natsuki! Good work today!"

Natsuki smiled. "Thank you, Syo-chan. I'm home."

Kira rose from his seat. "Welcome back."

The smile widened slightly. "Thank you, Kira-kun!" He moved to give Syo a customary hug, then stepped over to Kira, tilting his head down slightly to kiss his cheek.

Syo smiled. "Right! Well, I'm gonna head off now! Natsuki, I'll be out all night, so you and Kira have the place to yourselves." He approached the pair, clapping Natsuki on the back, then went to find his workout gear.

Kira observed Natsuki as the tall blond spoke to the younger. He noticed the smile didn't reach green eyes that usually sparkled, those eyes had lost some of their shine. Natsuki's voice sounded tired despite his best efforts to hide it, his whole body was tense, like a coiled spring about to snap loose after being held tight for too long. Syo was right, Natsuki was not doing well at all.

As Natsuki moved across the room to help Syo make sure he had everything for the night, Kira sent a quick message to Eiichi to inform him he would not be home that night.

***

Kira continued to observe Natsuki as the taller man set about preparing some tea for both of them. The choice was chamomile, perfect to help with relaxation. 

Natsuki was silent the whole time, not even starting to hum or engage in conversation, two things he usually did when preparing tea or cooking something while someone else was in the room. If anything, he seemed to be trying to focus intently on his task for fear of dropping his pretense.  _Just pretend all is well and it will be. Do not give Kira-kun reason to worry. Just prepare tea like normal..._ His thoughts were cut off by a drop of boiling water hitting his skin. He must've been pouring too fast and it splashed as a result. He winced in pain.

Kira immediately rose to his feet, stepped over to the sink and started running the cold water before moving to Natsuki's side, carefully removing the teapot from the blond's hands, placing his hands gently upon Natsuki's shoulders and maneuvering him to the sink.

Relief came quickly as the cold water ran over the area on his hand. It had thankfully just been a drop, so there was no real cause of alarm and his hand would be fine. He just needed to soothe the stinging.

Kira reached a hand to Natsuki's, the one under the running water, and he tenderly ran his fingers along the burn site, a gesture to ask if he was alright.

Natsuki turned to Kira, seeing the concern shining in the golden eyes. He then felt his hand being tenderly grasped as the faucet was shut off, then watched as it was lifted to Kira's lips.

Kira closed his eyes as he pressed his lips to Natsuki's skin, carefully brushing against where the boiling water drop had splashed. He cast his gaze up at Natsuki, silent enquiring as to his well-being. He could see he was not going to hear  _I'm okay_ as he watched Natsuki tremble very subtly. Natsuki was about to fall apart, and he was ready to pull him back together.

Natsuki closed his eyes, smile gone.

Kira decided on his next course of action. He was going to allow his gestures to speak for him, words would not work. He released Natsuki's hand, bringing both of his to the taller man's cheeks and tenderly cupping them. As Natsuki's eyes slowly started to open, he slid his hands up to grasp the arms of the spectacles resting on the bridge of Natsuki's nose. He slowly, carefully, pulled them off, as if slowly removing a mask. He set the spectacles down on the bench beside the sink, then resumed cupping Natsuki's cheeks with tender care, using his thumbs to wipe under his eyes as if wiping away falling tears. He could feel concealed bags under Natsuki's eyes, inwardly frowning as he wondered just how exhausted Natsuki truly had to be. Had he been resting at all? He gazed into the green eyes and read the emotions swirling in them. Stress, exhaustion, a desire to break but forcing to hold together. He tilted his head up, brushing his lips against Natsuki's; it wasn't a kiss, not quite, but he still made certain he poured love into the gesture. He needed Natsuki to see it was okay to let it out, he wouldn't be alone.

The love in all of Kira's gentle touches, the fingers stroking his cheeks, the thumbs rubbing under his eyes, the not-quite-a-kiss, they were making it harder for Natsuki to keep the walls standing. The subtle tremors started to increase to shivers. It wasn't cold. He felt one of Kira's hands slip to the back of his head, the fingers running over his scalp and through wavy locks. The other hand was still on his cheek, still gently rubbing the skin. His eyes burned and he tried blinking back the sensation. He couldn't cry, everything was fine, everything was...

Kira stretched up a little, pressing his lips under Natsuki's left eye in a gesture resembling kissing tears away.

Everything was  _not_ fine. Natsuki was not fine. He was tired, he was stressed, he wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and scream and cry. He'd had a difficult couple of weeks and it hadn't been getting much easier. He loved being an idol, but his workload hadn't allowed him much time to rest.

Kira knew he was close. He brought his forehead to Natsuki's. He could finally use the words, it was time. "It's...okay."

Those words, the gestures, the quiet voice and tender hands, they were too much. He could no longer hold back. He felt as Kira pulled him into an embrace, arms folding around him, and that was it. He choked.

Kira closed his eyes as he felt the shivers become full-on shaking. He heard the choke and knew the time had arrived. But, what he heard following...it was not what he expected. His heart broke at the sound.

Natsuki was beyond the point quiet sobs would work to help bring him relief. Everything tumbled out and he shook violently as loud sobs and quiet wails sounded from him.

Kira continued using his hands, his lips, to help Natsuki through the breakdown. Words would be inappropriate, there was nothing he could say. He felt as Natsuki was starting to slide to the floor and immediately followed him, making sure to not let go, making sure he stayed close. Another loud sob, and another crack in his heart. If only he could've helped Natsuki sooner, but their schedules conflicted too much that they didn't have time to meet. Their knees met the floor as he felt Natsuki lose strength and fall against him. He was almost knocked off-balance by the shift in weight, but quickly steeled himself so he would be perfect physical support to the other man. He kissed him on his temple, ran fingers along his scalp and spine, staying silent and just allowing Natsuki to cry against him.

Just as the touches helped him finally let it out, they were working in soothing him. Natsuki knew Kira was good with his hands; the slightly shorter man was a pianist who also had a hobby in pottery. But, he'd never expected those same hands would be used to help him pull himself together after finally falling apart. The sobs were finally starting to soften, he'd gotten the worst of it out of his system. He hiccuped slightly, his breaths hitching a little as his sobs slowly died down. The whole time, he continued to feel Kira's hands soothe him.

Kira felt himself relax as he could hear Natsuki was starting to calm down. After that release, he'd need some sleep, then he'd feel much better. He kissed a damp cheek, ignoring the salty taste.

The sobs finally died down completely. There were still some hitched breaths, but he felt more calm than he had for a while. He started to pull away.

Kira put up no resistance to Natsuki pulling away. Instead, he allowed it, moving his hands to Natsuki's cheeks once more, wiping under his eyes as he brushed away real tears. He leaned in, kissing both closed eyes as he kissed the final fragments of tears away, then brought his lips to Natsuki's, gently pecking them.

Natsuki opened his eyes. If Kira hadn't been so close in front of him, the dark-haired man would've been blurry. Instead, he could clearly see relief and concern shining in golden eyes that asked if he felt better. "Kira-kun... Thank you. I'm not really better, though I am much better than I have been. But, I feel tired..."

Kira nodded. He took Natsuki's hands, helping him stand, then led him to the bed. He had Natsuki sit down before he knelt down, removing Natsuki's shoes. He set them aside neatly then stood upright once more, leaning down to remove the tie Natsuki had worn around his neck. He set that aside as well as he had Natsuki lie down.

Natsuki watched as Kira moved to walk away, but grasped his wrist before he could. "I don't want to be alone."

Kira smiled slightly in reassurance, leaning down and kissing his forehead. "I will return. Your glasses."

Natsuki understood. Kira wasn't leaving, he was just going to collect his spectacles from the bench.

Kira swiftly moved to the bench, collected the spectacles then returned to Natsuki's side. The tea continued to sit, forgotten.

Natsuki gently grasped his hand. "Lie with me?"

He nodded, he'd had every intention of doing so anyway. He had to make sure Natsuki had plenty of rest so he could recover. As he heard Natsuki set the spectacles aside, then joined by his phone, Kira removed his own shoes and tie, setting them near Natsuki's. He removed his phone from his pocket, placing it beside Natsuki's, then lay down beside him. He reached a hand to his blond hair and carded his fingers through it.

Natsuki smiled genuinely, it was small but shone bright. He leaned in to allow his lips to meet with Kira's, sharing in a slow, peaceful kiss as exhaustion started to call his body and mind to Dreamland.

Kira sensed Natsuki was about to fall asleep. He slowly ended the kiss so he wouldn't give Natsuki the wrong impression,  one  he  might've  accidentally  given  if  he  ended  the  kiss  too  abruptly. He kissed his forehead as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and quietly hummed a random melody.

That soothing voice, that soothing touch, it finally allowed Natsuki to fall asleep.

Kira watched as Natsuki fell into silent slumber. He made a vow to never allow Natsuki to reach such a point again. Even if he couldn't be there for him, Natsuki still had Syo to help. He'd have to have a talk to his boyfriend upon waking and remind him that Syo will help if he can't. His eyelids felt heavy. He shifted closer so their chests were touching, allowed his legs to intertwine with Natsuki's, buried his head under Natsuki's chin and decided to join him in slumber. He knew he did not imagine the arms wrapping around him, a hand cupping the back of his head, before sleep overtook him.

**Author's Note:**

> After notes: Syo telling Kira about Satsuki doesn't come from out of nowhere. In the manga, Syo tells Haruka of when he'd first met Satsuki and that he figured Natsuki had to have dealt with something traumatic to have that other side that comes out when he's not wearing his glasses.
> 
> Kira's not good with words, he admits that himself. That's why I can see him using other means to say "it's okay, I'm here with you, you can let it all out, I won't leave you alone". And if music was not an option, then gentle touches with intention of showing love and comfort seemed plausible. (In a CD drama about HEAVENS, it's revealed he does canonically touch his friends to show affection in his own way, like helping them neaten their hair.)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated, but please don't flame.


End file.
